Brethren apparent.

September 9th, 2010 · Finding genesis


Several days later, we arrive in Durotar.
On the road from Northern Durotar, we came across a group.

“Where are ya headin’?”

“Sen’jin, sistah. ya be joinin’ us?”

And so we walked together, setting out right after sunset.

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Night is falling, and yet we still walk.


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Eventually, we make it to the village. It looks the same as it always has. So much time has passed and yet, not so much time has passed so as to make my childhood home look any different. There are bustles of people; Men, women, and children are everywhere. Most are dancing and shouting. Others stand over pyres, giving commands and officiating in small ceremonies.

I don’t see my father or sister anywhere. The crowd is too great. I start to feel sick.
Noticing my suddenly pale complexion, Jatkai walks me over to a water basin.

“Ya alright, sistah?”

Not at all. I’m terrified.

“Ya just need some rest. Ya still be sore from di ordeal ya bin through.”

I look up at him. I wish so much to be looking up at Dauneth’s forgiving, gentle face. But Jatkai smiles sweetly and gently at me, and suddenly I don’t feel as conflicted or pained as I should. He puts his arm around me and I do the unthinkable.

I kiss him.

He smiles. I panic. I shouldn’t have done that. What am I doing?!

“I be needin’ some rest now, Jatkai”


WHAT AM I DOING!?

I go and lay down in one of the makeshift cots. A female witchdoctor attends to me after Jatkai points her in my direction and gives stern direction barely in earshot to ‘look aftah mi precious heart.” I start to feel sick and throw up several times. I look up at the woman and scowl. Times have changed; the Darkspear embrace her kind now. I’m confused and incapacitated. I suddenly feel worse than when I was dying.

I pass out.

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On the move.

September 1st, 2010 · Finding genesis


Mischievous Loa, I can walk on my own. Comfortably. My ribs have finally healed, my hand is completely pain free, and I’m even walking briskly, much to Jatkai’s disbelief.

“I heard ya Troll women can regenerate faster than us fellas, but this is ridiculous!”

Oh, but I’ve never been one to stay knocked down for long.

Just as it was in my feverish dreams, we walked into the forests of Ashenvale in a magnificent twilight; the forests were gold, purple, and bathed in a quiet splendor.


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Though we made sure to keep our wits about us and draw no attention, we couldn’t help but talk jovially. The mood has become an upbeat one, even if I am still terribly nervous.

Within several hours we had crossed over the border, and once again to the safety of Horde occupied territory.

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It is not long now that we will be in Durotar.

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Recovery.

August 9th, 2010 · Diary pages, Finding genesis


Another day. Another test. Witchdoctor Zahb’bia pokes and prods me to see if my ribs have healed. I have come to remember his name, even though I vehemently hope that I will never be in the man’s care ever again.

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We will be leaving soon. I’m terrified. But I have come this far and almost died for this, so it’s foolish to second guess it all now. My destiny lies in Durotar.
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Strange aches & stranger places.

July 17th, 2010 · Finding genesis


I know this place.

I’ve run across these tiles countless times before. The last time I stood here, I stopped to stare at the stones, and I cried. I was leaving the first and only place I’d ever called ‘home’.

Now I am standing here again. Why am I here? Why am I being forced to relive this moment?


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Where am I now?

I do not know this place.

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I don’t understand this. I can see myself. Touch myself. Am I dead?

Yes, I am.

My lifeless body. It looks as though I’ve met a violent, sad end.

Is this what awaits me now?
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Where am I?

July 5th, 2010 · Finding genesis


I dreamed of a dusk that was more beautiful than anything I had ever seen. The light was blinding, but instead of burning and irritating my eyes, it warmed me to my very depths. I dreamed of the twilight of eternity. The very precipice one must dwell on before finally coming to an end.

As I drew closer to the warmth, a momentary chill would race up my spine, shocking me to turn around. And there behind me stood the man who had saved my life.

“Don’t go”, he’d purr. His voice was even more soothing than the light.

Pulled between two gentle polarities, and the middle being interminable and cold. Eventually I could see him for what he truly was: my life. Behind me, but not yet gone from me. I was not to go. I turned and walked back to him. As I touched his warm hands, I saw nothing again.

I woke several hours later. His hands were still holding mine.

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Regrets.

June 9th, 2010 · Diary pages, Finding genesis


I wish we hadn’t fought.

I wish I hadn’t said the things I said to him. I wish I hadn’t treated him with such callousness and contempt. I wish I’d listened to him. I wish I’d given us a chance.

If I don’t live, I hope that he knows that I tried my hardest.

In the moments that I feel I am dying, I am filled with deep regret.

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Death’s travelogue.

June 8th, 2010 · Finding genesis


I’m not sure that I will live. I’ve no clear sign that I will survive my injuries.

I’ve faced death before, but I’ve never been this afraid.

I’m alone, heading home to people who might never welcome me again, and possibly dying in the arms of a stranger before I even arrive.

Who would mourn my loss? Would my father bury me? Would my sister? Would my ex lover place a wreath upon my pyre? Would Dauneth be there?

I’m so scared. Please, if I have to die, at least let it be now, while he is here. I don’t want to be alone for this.

I’m not ready.

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Ambush.

June 8th, 2010 · Finding genesis


I suppose I should have been more careful. I suppose I shouldn’t have traveled alone. I suppose I should have remembered that I am not invincible. I’ve seen much and brought down threatening foes, but I’ve never performed such heroic acts on my own, and all these years of being buffered by the strength of numbers has made me very, very complacent.

It almost meant my end tonight. On the way through to safe territory, I was attacked and left for dead by the side of the road.

A mon I do not know has saved my life. He calls himself Jatkai. He is not a Darkspear, but he has come for the same purpose as I.

Why has a complete stranger saved my life? And risked his own, for that matter? We are now vulnerable here. I am half dead. We are a few miles from the Zoram Strand, where a witchdoctor supposedly dwells and will be able to treat me.

I scrawl this slowly and painfully in the low light. I worry that this will be my last living record, as I am badly injured but curiously lucid.

Why should I trust this mon implicitly?

Am I going to live?

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How soon is ‘now’?

June 4th, 2010 · Finding genesis


We’ve all heard the whisperings. The news. The word on the street. Other trolls who pass by you now give a knowing and inquisitive look.“Will you join us?” “Are you coming?” A troll in Dalaran sticks out like a sore thumb, but there they are. And they speak with their skin and with their tusks.

I answered the call, in as discrete a manner as I could. I am going back to Kalimdor. I need this, and I need it badly.

I’ve not seen my father, my sister, or anyone I grew up with since I left.

I told Dauneth I was leaving. I didn’t say much. Things between us have soured. We’ve come to notice that we’re fundamentally different beings, and that we might never see eye to eye on the deeper issues. He has been a faithful and caring partner to me, but my needs have dramatically shifted and I fear he can no longer meet them.

Perhaps it’s my age. I’m almost 30 years old. My life expectancy as a Troll is noticeably shorter than his. I have needs that must be fulfilled now, and I can no longer wait. The day that things turn sweet for me won’t be too soon.

Zalazane will be defeated, and we will reclaim what rightfully belongs to us. We’ve been stolen from, displaced, and homeless for my entire life. I have long scorned my brothers and sisters for suffering these indignities silently. But I will stand by their side, even if it costs me my life, to have our home returned to us.

I have packed all my belongings, and quit my job.

The time is right.

I am going ‘home’.

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Conquered, not conquering.

April 10th, 2010 · random


Anastasia suggested that, when stressed, I sketch things. A chimerical endeavor I thought at first, but it soon proved to be quite relaxing.

Until I did myself the disservice of scribing this page. Now I’m too afraid to turn pages in case this one jumps out at me. I can’t believe that I can draw a reasonably anatomically correct arachnid despite never having stared at one for more than ten seconds from fear. The mind, it boggles!

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I admire Anastasia for her tutelage of me these past years, and for granting me my freedom, but some suggestions need to be clearly thought out for all situations! Perhaps I’ll know better next time.

And, of course, this is yet another crushing blow in my quest to conquer arachnophobia. A pity.

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